For Jesse

The snow falls calmly and quietly. 

I have just gotten off the phone and heard the news of Jesse. The city is loud, and my mind is running with endless thoughts and worries, 

but the snow falls, calmly and quietly.

I can feel Jesse’s spirit around me.

There are people closer to Jesse and know him better, so though I never got to spend as much time with him as I wish I could have, I feel privileged I get to call him my uncle.

This weekend, the entire Kim family gathered to remember, celebrate, and honor Jesse’s life. As undoubtedly sad as the news of his departure is, this weekend was beautiful and abundant with joy, love, and support. 

We gather at Jinyoung and Jesse’s house where Troy, Jay, and Ellen grew up, a place that still feels familiar after all these years. 

engraving of Troy’s name

We visit Port San Luis, one of Jesse’s favorite places to go fishing. There, we throw white flowers into the ocean. Initially, the flowers disperse in every direction, then they slowly drift further into the sea in a single, straight line.

I find it symbolic of Jesse’s values and the life he led. White flowers representing purity and goodness. Straight line representing his honesty and authenticity, never losing sight of what was important to him. He lived his life with his whole heart. And he had a big one. It reflects in his career, his family, and of course, in the numerous and large fish he caught. I’m grateful I got to learn how Jesse impacted the lives of everyone around him.

Grandpa shares how he never had to discipline Jesse, he was the only one of his brothers that never got spanked.

That’s not to say he didn’t know how to have fun though, when we visit his dental office we find the motorcycle he had purchased recently. I picture him riding down the roads of Santa Maria, with the mountains and ocean beside him, wearing sunglasses and stylish sneakers. Is there a cooler man than Jesse?

It breaks my heart he only got to ride 50 miles on his motorcycle. There was still so much left for him. But I hold on to the Bishop’s words from the service, that God always has a plan, and everything goes according to plan. 

Jesse’s dental practice was an extension of the amazing individual he was, a tool for him to serve and help others. It only makes sense his nickname is Wise Guy. Jesse knew from day one what really matters in life. It’s no surprise I find glowing reviews of Plum Tree Dental online. All of Jesse’s patients loved having him as their dentist.

I get to visit his office and find a box of toys for his patients. With Troy’s permission, I keep one of the tooth toys for myself, which now sits on my shelf.

As a father, he was actively present. Time is priceless, and he was very generous with it. His kind, warm demeanor is reflected in his family. Their hearts are so big, so pure, so full of love. As I watch them support each other during this time, I admire their strength. Jinyoung is the kindest and strongest mother I know, looking out and caring for others even during this time of hardship. I watch as Troy steps up as the oldest son, providing comfort for his family. Jay continually stays positive, cracking jokes and smiling, uplifting spirits. Ellen, the sassiest, sweetest, funniest girl ever, making us laugh. Impressed is an understatement. They are the most resilient people I know, and I have no doubt they will continue to make Jesse proud. 

During the sacrament, someone shares that to find peace, we have to be peace for others. And the Kim Family does exactly that, leaning on each other.

We eat Jesse’s favorite foods - Popeye’s and KBBQ. We roast marshmallows and starbursts. We play telephone charades, all laughing and having so much fun I almost forget why we are all gathered together until the adults come downstairs with grim faces. 

We eventually persuaded them to play a round of telephone charades, and it seemed as if they had even more fun than the kids did.

the brothers & precious Seah

It was a beautiful weekend full of joy, love, and support. There is so much strength and support when we have each other. 

Jesse is here with every one of us, smiling and telling us not to worry.

Let us all live like him.

We love you, Jesse.